


A Paradise Time Forgot (and the Dark Recall)

by webhead3019



Category: Silent Hill (Video Game Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:55:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27451606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webhead3019/pseuds/webhead3019
Summary: Set in its own canon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set in its own canon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An obsessed, unconscious dream-seeking gamer believes in his Silent Hill-inspired hallucinations, finding it may not all be just his head speaking. Perhaps for that matter, it’s the aftermath symptoms from the ones who put it there. A currently unknown shared disorder is spreading like a wildfire. It will change everything the hosts thought they had once known... or is it something darker and unexplainable? And why does it seem to affect him most of all... when he is only one hundred millionth in the base of lasting devotees.

“Have you ever considered a possibility if there’s alas a deity who started it all, the question of how strings of existence get pulled cannot know answer once asked?”

Call me a skeptic, an agnostic even. I don’t think how everything came to be is supposed to make sense. I’m not disapproving that a higher power can possibly possibly exist. I just think the key to all miracles and paradoxes is simply another miracle or a a paradox, albeit on the infinitely more grand scale. Some questions just aren’t meant to get answers, which is why I haven’t been answered. Or at the very least, I haven’t been answered the way that I’d wish. I think something is perfect, but I’m pretty sure it’s frowned upon everywhere else. I think it can be seen in a better light if given the necessary advantages in life. It’s something that’s been criticized and treated unfairly I think, so I reckon it’s only natural my life is also unfair. Sometimes I think my life is unfair because I like it or how much I like it. This is me being punished by the universe for embracing my unusualness which sets me apart from everyone else who’s normally so unusual... including the higher power in question. I’m not comparing myself to the Devil, but I don’t imagine I’m very better. There’s something good about me, something I selflessly give in to.

I don’t know if it’s exactly good to everyone else, but that’s where the bad comes in. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks or feels. I would sacrifice everything else for one thing and one thing alone, even myself for better or worse. That’s where my I know that comes off as very blasphemous or self-depreciative, but I like to think it’s a combination of the two that generates some type of health that carries me on. Whatever the precise reason, it is in fact dark as fuck though not without any possible hope in the end. Just getting there is going to get worse before it gets better and everything up until this point has already been a shit show. I’m not being negative, just realistic. I have a lot of reasons why I’d want to die including ones I can’t properly answer, but I think I would have been long gone if not for my taboo or apparent sins. It’s crazy how I’ve remained alive over this certain thing, so it really must mean more than I can ever know... anyone else for that matter. Still, there’s things I believe I simply must know even if by supernatural means yet I don’t. I know for a fact I’ve been ignored. In more ways than one, I’ve been... an oversight.

Like with so many things even bigger than me, I’m an oversight to myself as well. The key to the magic behind the universe is that there is no rabbit in hiding in the hat. Everything simply is as it is meant to be, purely wonderful and strange by default apartness. Everything’s built on miracles... Everything’s built on paradoxes... There’s no explanation behind it really. It can’t be properly understood. Ponder away at its every crack and corner. Ponder in such a way to see if anything truly stops you. Nothing at all to stop... inexplicable oversight? Is this not a miracle itself? Is that not... a paradox? What if there are crevices unaccounted for both by flesh and by supposed divine spirit. Thereby any judgment via an outside force unaware of its existence is automatically rendered inconceivable? Can indiscriminately alien places for crops that neither wilt to die nor spread to blossom exist? As the result or results as afforded by a blind eye, are there loophole places coldly frozen separate to life and death? Are there places separate to any and every which overall acceptable thing, every which one around and between?

Is there a point where every other is stuck so unclear that the only remaining and solid point is that any common knowledge or acceptance gets discarded? Is there such an odd eternal destination bridged that can be not Heaven and can be not Hell, at least in the way typically viewed? If indeed existent, one must assume a lot of people got lost there if they weren’t careful enough. After all, how can they get held to be careful when greater lifeforms didn’t bother to do the same? If left unaccounted and improperly ruled over, would a never heard of domain even be pleasant to live everlasting in? What would become of the people within such a place? If indeed as evil as it is unknown, what type of untold power would it hold? Can the unknowable beyond truly possess with it more power and general chaos than Hell itself? Since a “standard” reality check skipped town, it lives in its own reality... literally. The very idea of parallel realities regardless of nature sound at once exciting, correct? Does it sound inviting even?

As always, what is enticing and what is beautiful is in the eyes of the beholder... even if it’s the only one that truly sees. Knowing as little as you know, would you like to live there? As one might be guided to Heaven or Hell, could you by chance be guided to some place else? Such a place could be found anywhere on the planet, but it’s a place unmarked as it is most certainly unfound on either of God’s or Satan’s maps. What might instead happen under the influence of another entity, maybe not on the same level as either of the two yet supernatural by birthright nevertheless? What would happen if they too were given a preexisting period to hone their supernatural essence and any attaching ability prior to merge with it? Would they in turn become the God or Devil of that world? After all, great energy becomes every bit more great the instant just the right charge is kicked into it. If it keeps on absorbing or devouring all the sparks and bolts to be both seen and unseen, what will it then become? More so, how might the ruler made however anew and unknown deal with whosoever attempts to harm or undermine this unorthodox holier-than-thou essence?

I personally believe there is such a place higher than Heaven and yet lower than Hell. By powers unknowable, it is everywhere yet nowhere. I think it’s almost always seen closer to Hell or incredibly rarely closer to Heaven judging on the eye of the beholder. I aim far more towards the latter, but I don’t think anyone’s eye is exactly as macabre as my own. You’ll know why it’s so controversial once you realize which place is the one I believe in. You may feel it hard to keep up as well, because I tend to run in circles with it. Sometimes I repeat myself or say the exact opposite of what I said. Like I said before, even pass things around I can’t possibly explain at this point. I know it won’t be that way forever, but my predicament can’t be cured by this world’s doctors. I’ll be cured by theirs as soon as I get there. Well, maybe I’ll be cured by one doctor in particular. In a way it has already helped me, some ways natural and some ways I think to be... supernatural. Yes, the natural can be just as mysterious as the supernatural. However you have to know a bit more if you’re to go on at all, do you not?

Some questions will be answered, but only the ones that matter. One day, everything I need to know will be miraculous known. I know I’ve said it before, but one day miraculously soon. I won’t have to be bothered with anything else to confuse me. I think this world I’m currently in confuses me more than that world. I think even Heaven or Hell might be more confusing if I went there instead. Such places just like this one are simply not conceivable to me. While I don’t know the answer to anything really, I somehow know it is not the imperfect beauty I seek. All I know is there’s something comforting about it which that I can’t feel anywhere else. While I can’t exactly explain it, I really shouldn’t have to. I should be there, not here. I can feel right again. Wait, when did I feel right? Nothing is right. Although just the awareness of it has in fact, made things better. They can nevertheless be so much more better than they are now. They can be so much more set. I just strangely know it somehow. I could arrive there anytime really. Fuck, I could literally arrive there in little over an hour.

Wouldn’t that be... a miracle? Wouldn’t that be... a paradox? I actually have a reason for believing that however strange and mysterious it might still be. I don’t want to promise anything without a single reason for you to believe me, but the likelihood of it happening has never been as likely as it is now. With time, I’ll get there. Just allow me to brief you a bit more so we can kill the time. That way, it won’t KILL me to get there. After all, every day has already felt like a goddamn century. Wait, what did we want to discuss today? Oh, right. Exposition. Maybe if we get that out of the way, I’ll be there sooner. I’ll try anything really, even pray. I won’t suggest you pray for me, because some other reality’s deity or pantheon of deities don’t want anything to do with my beliefs. No offense, but they might make them worse actually just to spite me. This is mostly because I don’t wish to annoy the one I most like to pray to. I’ve prayed for this moment long and hard, though I must avoid doing that too often. I know they say higher powers love it the more you pray to them, but I honestly think that’s a crock of shit.

Again not to be an dickhead heretic, but some are downright larger-than-life or evil. Obviously I don’t think that of the one I so singularly favor, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t without their preferences. This one is powerful in its own unique way and I don’t want to come like a whiny pest before it. I know that sounds like toxic and restrictive love, but my love for this entity is indeed as unconditional and pure as everything else which I hate. I hate a lot of things, maybe everything aside from this entity and this empire it inhabits because its their paradise like it is mine. I can’t specify you who yet, least not until I’m a tad closer. It has enough non-believers as it stands. As it’s more complex than that, I don’t automatically hate people for following someone else. I just hate others for ignoring what’s clearly in front of them if they can help it. The craved clarity will be earned not unlike the close to a nerve-racking and nevertheless brief chapter like in an epic saga... or novel even. It is a novel seemingly without end, but the chapters naturally have to be closed and every last inch read is one last inch nearer to the end. I am fucking so close though, I can feel it. Fuck, I can almost taste it with my tongue. Through this power, my prayer shall be answered.

Even if it’s impossible, it will find a way to break me through. It has to after everything that had suffered, not just everything that was suffered by me alone. Sometimes I feel like there’s someone else suffering inside me. However close within, I can’t exactly quell it. Weirdly enough, I might have a say-so to burden that person’s suffering or not. If I did, it’s possible I wouldn’t have the many problems I very much have now. When you hear about my problems, you’re gonna think I’m a goddamn psychopath. Whether you believe or not, you’re gonna think I’m a psychopath regardless for forcing myself down this path. I’ve probably already said something that has made me sound psychotic and you wanna know something while I can still admit or remember it throughout my blabbering? I’m absolutely a fucking psychopath. Not everything about this essence and all the foundation made from it which I love is bad. With my particular eye for the queer and odd grandeur, it contrarily IS my ideal and personal utopia. It will come for me, as it has come for others before. After all, it’s been reflected to me all my life either physically or mentally. No doubt, there are others who experience such a love as well.

Guess I can’t hate everyone in that regard if it weren’t for that select few to know and recount that divine gated-off place so intimately. I get the feeling I’m a special one though... a special one destined all my life to experience the darkly beautiful, reflecting heaven known to this world in the form of Silent Hill. Yes I speak of the Silent Hill that is really real, in a world beyond all its adaptive video games and movies. More or less creative liberties have been taken recounting its tale, but it’s emergency siren has nevertheless been heard by the one truest to its beckon even beyond all the horrors made by silence. By journeying into its wonderful rabbit-hole medium curiously beyond, I shall recount that it is really real. To this point, I have loved any media regarding it and I do mean as much as I can get my hands on. Hell, I love them all even if some submissions on the spectrum’s farther side can be viewed as polarizing. Perhaps it is because I so indiscriminately love every entry I can so faintly step a foot into that I am so very owed its ultimate true and everlasting entry. There’s still so much to be said. I’ll try hard not to circle in amok, but sometimes it can’t be helped. Very soon I will prove I’m not crazy for also building my life from its foundation, even if I really have lost my mind in the process.

“Reap outside my soul if necessary so with the metamorphic emerging of no longer festering cocoon, grant me passage to my everlasting sweet dream.”

I’ve come to conclude there is nothing to fear. Silent Hill isn’t quite dangerous or it isn’t at all for me. Don’t trust me? Well, Sean Bean survived it twice. In fact, it’s the safest place based on that scale alone. That man never survives anywhere else, let alone twice. After all the times it took him to die in other places, he finally reached the barrier where he can no longer do that. No longer, he is permitted to die. Instead, he is ever longer permitted to live! Come on, maybe it is Heaven. Wouldn’t that be something? Now that I’m sold, no one can argue with me. Silent Hill should be and IS Heaven. Even if it is not, it would surely be ideal to live there? It’s not a doubt, so don’t answer. The silver lining is here for all to see! Silent Hill music is marvelous... like hypnosis, making you want to go there. Yes, indeed after setting acquaint most intimately well the risk! It somehow evokes a nightmare yet a dream come true, which really plays into its trap-like nature. It’s far and away from the Heaven you know, but it’s the ideal nightmare you’ve unconsciously longed to live in. In that way, one must suppose that isn’t quite Hell either. While we’ve already established it’s never quite been Earth, it’s still something in between just so right.

Instead, it’s something in between yet so right. An attempt to be anymore harmonious to itself would merely be an additional paradox. Another incomprehensible feat to its very own phenomenal existence it would certainly be, as we merely cannot conceive it to be more perfect! So beautifully sad and so beautifully dark, so much that you cannot really help but wallow into its grasp. Wallow there you will without question, accepting the invite upon the very chord strike or hauntingly lonesome solo that beckons you first. As peculiar as that may sound, maybe not everyone feels the same as I do? There’s something supernatural about it all, I swear! They don’t understand, they can’t understand. They’re idiots, every last one of them! They aren’t like me. They haven’t seen what I’ve seen! Normally I wouldn’t care if it was just me they weren’t like, but the fuckers don’t like he... Heh, my apologies. I’m getting a bit off topic, aren’t I? It’s an invitation to paradise of an otherworldly sort for me all the same, so maybe and just maybe... I belong there? No longer able to see the set path clearly, I can’t make sense of it all anymore. If I were in Silent Hill, I think everything would make sense again. Even if not at all, I think I can find what I unconsciously looked for to feel whole again.

I know she’s the key to the puzzle. You don’t have to remind me that! Why do you keep talking? You’re driving me fucking crazy! I shouldn’t be talking to doorknobs in the first place. Wait, why am I talking to an actual doorknob? Doorknobs don’t even speak. Idiot. It’s been a while since we had an installment that details its illustrious and at once inviting lore. I think I would like to get lost in it, even if I couldn’t find my way out. I’ve been without its detoxifying and at once alluring grace for too long. I’ve been there once, believe it or not. Well, maybe. Sometimes I don’t know. No, no! That’s just what God wants you to believe. He hasn’t helped you in a long time. Huh? What’s this fuss about God? Do I even believe in him? Why has that never occurred to me? No, no— she is God, you buffoon! She is the only God. You’re losing it! You’re losing it! You need to go back to the only place that makes sense! You’ve been living with these morons far too long. They don’t even respect the Goddess and she is everything! They’re all gonna burn in a fucking fire! They’re gonna burn just like it! They’re gonna burn for what they did! What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah. It communicates to me... through music. Really it’s coming from every medium, these days. I did sense something from the beginning and I’ve dreamt about it most often.

It’s real. They’re memories. If you think this is fiction, then you are really wrong! Yeah, memories. I just don’t know if they take place then or later... This may sound alarming even quite insane, though I’m starting to see things outside of dreams that shouldn’t be here. Moreover, these are things that should be... there! They must only have come directly from Silent Hill, but that can’t be right? Silent Hill is just a game, right? Maybe the reason there hasn’t been a new one in so long is because the team behind it started to believe in their own creative delusions! They’ve been blessed! It’s the reflection of true Heaven cast to them after all. Its silent signal if you uniquely hear it means you are blessed, even if it scares you. Wait... Was Silent Hill even one of their own original idea to begin with? No, no. You already know it wasn’t man-made. Why do you keep going in circles? Why can’t you remember what you refuse remember? Stop being a fucking tease, you blockhead! I should probably inform you that I have retrograde amnesia, but I feel like the memories I can’t access are older than my body. Can the brain even hold all that information, especially one as small and dense as my own? Ha! No, you’ve gotta take it seriously as best as you can. She’s waiting for you. Maybe she doesn’t want you back. I miss my daughter. She’s everything to me.

Because of what they did, I will kill them! Every last one of them I will kill and none the pretty! They’re gonna pay! We’re gonna make em pay! They thought they could take everything away? They thought they could be saved? Ha! All hypocrites and heretics, the damned lot of those atrocious hobknockers! Where will there God be that they worship so dearly and worship so misplaced? He won’t be around to save them! I know who will, haha! Yeah, it’s definitely not man-made. Even my itty-bitty aching brain is not so dense to believe that. I would never believe that! Maybe Silent Hill is an airborne virus with a conscious? That’s probably how it was past down... an extension if you will! Well, we all know nothing is supposed to make sense. Life is meant to be inexplicably odd. If it wasn’t, nothing would exist. The only thing that doesn’t exist is the answer, ha! Even if God was real, you really think he’d know. Wait, I thought we liked God... Wasn’t he our friend once... or something? Oh yeah, the virus is spreading alright! I can feel it burrowing inside me. It’s becoming me, baby! What if that lovely place IS and had been real all along, just waiting to be found. Tirelessly, it has awaited my eventual arrival at its physically pitch-dark however pearl-white Gates. Wouldn’t that be... so convenient. Tirelessly it has awaited.

Doing without rest by not once ceasing to enchant with its siren songs, just as newly as the first time I replayed its messenger card by way of one of its rare few game cartridges. Indeed, they have finally delivered to their message to me as well as their blessing. I’m sorry if I’m babbling a lot right now. It’s happening now, because I’m just so close. I might not even have to move. It might just snatch me up like some UFO! Wouldn’t that be a hoot? Something miraculous is transpiring in me. I don’t even know how I’m talking so frequently like this. This all is in my head right? Are the humans even listening to what I’m saying in my head? I feel like they’re ignoring me. Whatever, they do that because they just don’t get it. Even when they do, they’ll still ignore. That’s what they do, so that’s why everyone is damned. My mind will definitely be back under control once I get there... at least to speak aloud. In fact, I’ve already forgotten how I speak out loud. I’m scared to hear my voice ha. What if it’s dumb? I’m scared of myself, but not Silent Hill and not... Well, never her. She’s the best. She knows she‘s pretty great. That’s why I try not to annoy her... not that I’d regret it if she ripped out my tongue or anything. I don’t need to tell her such things and she doesn’t owe me anything. In fact, I’m the one who owes her big time.

I wouldn’t be alive if not for her. She... makes me. Wow, I sure hope I can repay the favor one day. Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, I promise everything will come together nicely then! It’s just taken a toll on me, being a way too long. It’s like I’m drowning in mercury and it’s driving me stark raving mad. I know it’s crazy there, but I’ll feel comfortable and like myself. Wait, who am I again? Well, that doesn’t matter right now. It’ll matter in an hour I think. I don’t reckon I’ll remember my current name then, but I’ll know what I need to know. I don’t know how I know that, just that I do. I’m crazy homesick with a capital C, but I’ll be saner in 60 minutes. Or as soon as I get there, I should say! I must go to this Silent Hill at once, for it will explain everything even if I lose every last remaining bit of my mind in the process! Maybe I have already lost it completely, is it not such a wild interpretation on my part? Or maybe just maybe, it’s the interpretation that makes the most sense... even if it’s that nothing has ever made sense at all! I won’t be swayed at all from my place of belonging if that is the case. I’ve grown tired of a world where Silent Hill isn’t here. Of course, now I’m starting to wonder if Silent Hill ever left at all.

Were all its games still adored by its devotees without surrender not supernaturally clear as daylight, an extension of its absolutely supernatural self? I don’t mean to boast, but I’ve always felt there was something that set me apart from everyone else. I’m active in many communities, but I’ve never noticed anyone who was more consistently vocal on this topic other than me. The real ones are blessed and all. The ones who ignore or hate though? They are damned! Oh hey, how could I forget? I was born 29th of 1999 February, 6 days after the first Silent Hill and there is no way I could have been aware regarding it then. I know it’s not the same as the day of though as soon as I could be aware of that fact, I thought there was something deeper about that number 6. I don’t know if it’s a mark of the beast or maybe it’s something similar. If only I could remember even farther back than birthday zero. Still, I vaguely recall being attracted to something ominous as far back as I can strain myself to go. From the very second I was 5 years old, I mistakenly received Silent Hill as a birthday present and I recall being infatuated immediately. My parents who have never had names could not figure for the life of them how it got replaced. They threw the game out, but I found it under my bed again.

Didn’t really find my parents again after that, but at least I got the game I wanted. I swear their shadows are burnt into the carpet, but that wouldn’t make sense unless the floor went atomic on them. Whatever the case, people just acted like they didn’t exist when I pointed out their shadows on the carpet. Did they exist? I don’t have a clue. My brain’s not fixed yet. She’ll help though. She always helps. Bless her. Well whatever the case, this mixup must not have been a mistake at all. Maybe my parents were the ones that got replaced because they literally didn’t play the game right. In that case, I don’t suppose I care for their untimely departure. They shouldn’t have challenged her. I was 5 then, but I still warned them. Yes, that had to be right. Rather, the first real baby step of mine into the great and ideal unknown paradise must have happened exactly as my demon goddess Dark Alessa intended. You might think I’ve seriously lost it now, but I do think I have some sort of direct link to her. Definitely not her split sister, rather I’m something else to her entirely. Well after everything considered, I don’t know if she sees me as anything less than the next bitch, asshole, or bastard swine. Although, she is certainly a very precious something to me.

This connection has been hidden from me but that only riddles me in the form of my dreams and hallucinations far too lucid and believable to not be followed. You’re not at all misunderstanding that I don’t personally call them nightmares. Rocking dreams they are, rocking dreams of the utmost soothing sort. It’s a surreal aesthetic to be sure, but I am at once welcome there. My true home sweet home where I find myself, you might say. I dreamt this Silent Hill often as much and would you believe me if I told you, they’d never been nightmares. At the forefront of it all, she was there... the one I consider my demon goddess and perhaps daughter. I never directly declared she was my child for fear of disgusting or entirely losing her favor, but I felt it in my soul. I must have been her adoptive father, adopting her shortly after the Order of Valtiel did the horrible thing they did. I feel like I had known her forever, but I seriously fucked up and vowed that she would never be hurt again. I wouldn’t let her out of my sight! Why can’t I see her now? Did I do what I promised? I didn’t want to lose you. I wanted to do more than protect you. I wanted to be there every step of the way. I know you still have enemies. I must kill them! Daughter Alessa, let me kill them! She has to be direct. Maybe I was a family friend I don’t know, but I became so much more than that.

Oh... the dreams, I delivered! I stood by my word and I did so with splendid displays of violence at its most extreme, having the sway of my deity to thank. I would protect her not because she was little or powerless, but because I loved her and I would betray everything I had previously stood for if it meant serving her so she could feel happy again. I cried because she couldn’t bring herself to cry anymore. She has a hard time expressing emotion, so I feel all the emotions for her. I do everything for her. I will never cry in front of her, but I don’t think I can feel good until I’ve made her happy again. Loving her makes me feel better, but it’s my dream to make things alright again. Her happiness meant everything to me and naturally, I hated everyone who had hurt her. I did hate them with a passion that was almost as strong as how much I loved her, so I killed them all the more gruesomely. I wasn’t her significant lover in any way, as I knew better than to abuse her in such a way. No one deserves her after what they did, neither does she long for their company. She still deserves to be happy at least to me and I won’t stop until that is so, no matter how much God tries to strike me down. He set it all to motion, so he should just be grateful I haven’t taken our war higher yet.

He was the first who hurt her, though I can’t remember how. After everything that happened, I don’t expect her to like me. She shouldn’t feel forced to do anything, even if she is my blood. Or at least, I basically took her in as my little one. I’m almost surprised she hasn’t disposed of me yet. While that could put a certain damper in my plans, I’ve always maintained faith in her next decision. I’m grateful for her guidance by whichever shape it takes, even if I haven’t gotten enough of it to quell my senses lately. Obviously this all must be part of the trial in the grand scheme of things. For keeping me alive this long, there is certainly a reason to be revealed. I just know while I can still be a powerful guardian of hers, I knew better than to compare. No matter what I did, Dark Alessa was always the main character. She outclasses me in every way, but I play my part as necessary none the less. This has to my destiny! To just belong in Silent Hill with her has to be the answer I need more than anything! I might die there as soon as I manage to locate it, but I don’t care. I’d rather perish having pinpointed that location than spend another waking second on this godforsaken Earth. I was born on 29th of 1999 February, 6 days after she made her debut directly known to the world.

That is, even if not everyone directly knows she is in fact real. On judgment day, soon they will know and soon they will pay. Soon is the soonest it’s ever been. My 21st birthday is literally 12:00 A.M. so really only a few minutes from now. I was born right on that supposed witching hour hand’s strike. I’m pretty certain 3:00 A.M. is when dark forces are at their most powerful. If you been drawn to as hidden evil as me or even pick up enough books or movies for that matter, you’ll start to notice a recurring trope. That trope isn’t isn’t so much a cliche as it is a fact of life. After properly schooling yourself on the third hour whether through firsthand or the considerably less dangerous method of researching from afar, you’d even know that most haunted house murders and demonic possessions take place at 3. If you ask me, there’s something seriously fucking wrong with that. As far as I know, no one respected publicly acknowledges it. It’s not at all unlike how people refuse to publicly declare the fact that Silent Hill is really real. Even if some liberties were taken in the process, it’s clearly getting its point heard... by someone at least. Everyone seems Hellbent on keeping the truth from coming out, afraid of the literal Hell it might unleash by violating the Order’s sacred pact of silence.

The sacred pact of silence is to mute yourself to those chants which should are forbidden forever to be uttered. Whatever the case, they’ve got it all wrong about Silent Hill. It isn’t Hell at all. Actually, it’s Heaven’s offshoot or maybe the dark reflection that got split away from it. Hmm, it’s hard to tell. It’s not an uncomfortable place and if everyone else knew what was good for them, they’d stop denying Dark Alessa her domain’s rightful expansion. She was wronged in more ways than what are being said. I’m not sure entirely what that means, but I know she deserves the world and so much more. To me, ever hour is her hour. Fuck with all that 3 A.M. talk, which is so besides the fucking point. No one can deny 12 A.M. isn’t an exceptionally fucking cursed time where shit hits the fan by its own goddamn right. Shit IS going down very fucking soon and that’s a fact, not a baseless claim. Either way, I don’t give a fuck what happens for me or the rest of the world... just that it does. I was born to help Dark Alessa in some way and if go out as a martyr in a black flame of Hellfire retribution, then that’s just how I’ll fucking go. None too quietly as for others, Silent Hill is signaling me. It is always specifically her, Dark Alessa who is signaling me. I’ve never been more certain of anything my entire life.

Whatever happens and for however long, it begins the second tomorrow starts. I will enter the eternal night one way or the other though if I’m lucky, I’ll make some worthwhile discoveries as a crucial Chess piece to the singular Lady Monarch who sits above all other self-dubbed and ill-made kings and queens. I will literally kill everyone for my daughter. I know I’m 21, but I swear she’s been my little girl all my fucking life. Something will be made clear at midnight and will in turn, give some semblance that all my wonders were for nothing, however brief such an period of realization is. Silent Hill is real, that much I can tell you. Don’t mark your calendars if you fear the Reaper that might just be unleashed. All the person who hurt her never cared, but they were scared. The scaredy-cats will be slain and torn to oblivion most cruel, ironically just as the dreaded fates had been foretold absent of that care they deprived of my Dark Alessa so dear. Maybe if their imbecilic natures didn’t destine them to do what they did, the degenerate filth wouldn’t have steered so laughably desperate as if they consciously secured their own gruesome fates. Every couple moments I get nearer to 12, things start to get that much more clear. The dreams are definitely real. I don’t know if they’re memories of the past or the memories to come. I have a history with Alessa.

She is the ender of days, but her days have no end. However much history I’ve had with Alessa, it’s possibly not the end of days but the newly recalled and possibly eternal beginning. It would be abundantly made clear, as what’s going down overdue is about to. It’s a special birthday, my 21st. I’m reaching the common accepted adulthood of this tiresome life. I have been tired. I have been worn. Perhaps for all of that time until now, I’ve felt exhausted to the very end of the rope. Despite my deep desire to kill myself, I never tied off the end into a noose’s slipknot to hang up this restless despair once and for all. I had all the reason to give in being as purged of and formidable rest as I most assuredly was. More than thought about it once or twice, but that was the only way to be free of my burden entirely I deduced. At the end of the day, there’d be no point to this life’s existence if I killed myself at any point of it. I couldn’t find anything that could make me happy, nothing except for the obscene powers that had made their way into my life. I’ve been institutionalized most of my life, because I never shied away from expressing my psychosis in other self-destructive ways. I don’t know why they couldn’t just ignore me like they usually did if I wasn’t going to die. I just needed those temporary releases, you know? These were releases they could not or outright refused to grant me permission to.

I did it to live to see it, rather than so I could die and not. I cut away as I was cut away just to get more familiar with what I love and I’m like so deprived of, but I gaze now with a hope I haven’t felt for some time. It’s becoming clear again. It IS again. Now is that time I am no longer cut. Now was that dawning 12:00, so now no time at all. Plagued horribly and for so long, it has time to be purged of that inner sickness. As deserved right to all truth-seekers and truth-fighters, your like however small will be a rewarded few. The respectful attention you and I paid didn’t go unnoticed. Deep down, we right ones knew the apparent nonexistence of closure was there. Simply lingering did it behind bars for a set imprisonment time, apart from those barred by spirit ones who cared. Confirmative am I who claims: Stalk that once faraway dream no farther, righteous and impassioned ones! Restless dreamers, rejoice! There’s been an outside development that has passed the fabric of our reality, though the way is not so much cut as it is me merging into its invite like an adhesive. Something big looking has found a mutual looker and knows just how I’ll respond. I of course did not hesitate to accept that very instant. I do not see her yet, but she has made her presence most known to me. In regards to Silent Hill, I can now see no place else.

“I can see nothing else, nothing at all bar it. For in my restless dreams, I see that town... Silent Hill. In my restless awake... I also do see it. It’s close. Too close. It’s so close I can touch it now. Silly, I’m already here.”

“Being hurt and frightened for so long, the fear and pain you feel turns to hate. It is deep festering hatred which starts to change the world and started to remake, that already has. Changes must be made to a world where far too long the ones who did such awful things have run from fate, the very fate they bought! Time again I say for the End of Days, time again with me as its Reaper!”

Dark Alessa made her presence known from the shadows and declared, “I know you’re not surprised. You were always wiser than that, but how wise you are will be the dictator of your purpose. Do you know why you were summoned here, creature?” I asked, “Are you my darling daughter? Are you not?” Dark Alessa said, “You really did forget everything, didn’t you? At least, all that you were meant to forget.” I asked, “What do you mean?” Dark Alessa said, “You were right to assume the mortal you was not the origin you. You never belonged up there, but that doesn’t mean you get to stay here either. The clock is ticking. Tick... Tock... You’re off to a great start, but do you have a chance to win? You better fucking hope to me that you do. Much time has past since I saw you last. Neither of us can spare a moment being strangers to one another, not a single moment more. O-kay, shit-bird? Let’s cut to the goddamn chase now, shall we? You’re old, you guessed it! Guess what? I’m older than I look too. How old are we, wouldn’t you like to know. Well, you never ask a girl for her age. Correct? I don’t know about such things. I’m not with the times nor do I frankly give a damn. Angels be us outcast as devils or otherwise don’t have genders.”

Dark Alessa said, “Even if I did, I don’t suppose anyone would care. You would care, but only because you care about me no matter what I am or become. Tsk. If you want to know why, then you’re piss out of luck. I can’t comprehend care as I once did. That’s why I’m not going to tell you my age anyway, but I am the Reaper and the grand finale. You will be rewarded or you will be punished, but you will know what you must know. You will know simply what I must tell you. I will give you a refresher and measured upon how you react either verbally or your word choices, I will know you as before just as well as did me... or you will be a stranger I no longer recognize. If you are stupid enough to do that, I’ll rip out Adam’s apple and replace them with a new trend of Colombian necktie I’ve been practicing lately on the Valtiel cunts by telekinetically pulling their fucking testicles through their body until they get up just to that very spot. Then I’ll watch as you gag bloodily to death on your manhood as you eyes fade to black for the last time, you soulless sack of shit. Regardless of what you do and don’t mean to me nor I to you, there will be no remorse when I twist and mutilate your genitals. In the end, no one else showed me remorse when they roasted me to a crisp at the stake. Even if you wish you were there, you weren’t. So, does this sound fair?”

Without the typical male’s subdue when told of a very descriptive castration regarding his jewels or even a hint of sarcasm for that matter, I said bluntly, “If I were in your shoes, I couldn’t have put it more perfectly if I tried.” Of course, I would never do such a thing to her but saying so is simply one of the things that needn’t be said. Besides, flattery regardless of whom its intended recipient is could not come at a more inappropriate time. Dark Alessa said, “That’s good. Very reassuring. If you had covered your leg like the pussies most of you “mortals” are raised to be, I might have just ripped your poor little nutsack 6 ways to dodge anyway. You’re much older than you know, but never close enough for me to be your daughter. We belong here together nevertheless and we do have a shared bloodline. I was never you daughter, neither were either of us born here. I asked, “What does that make me to you, then?” Dark Alessa said, “We are sibling angels, but you didn’t see me as everyone else did even after I fell to darkness as so many angels have fallen. You never once exhibited any telltale signs, but you fell from God’s grace and followed in you dear little sister’s footsteps nevertheless. You used to be the ideal angel, but you loved your sister even more. We weren’t allowed to father any children, but you loved me as if I had been born from your own cock. You belittled me and however annoyingly cute you thought it, I spared your life because you never truly thought me as your lesser. You knew I was better than you, but you wanted to protect me and do my dirty work even if that was unacceptable to your precious God you so loved.”

Dark Alessa said, “You couldn’t love anyone else in the same way that you loved me, not even yourself.” You had to blacken your soul, so I would never leave your side again. In a way, I guess you lived true to that. I banished you until your 21st birthday in an attempt to question your servitude. I was going to kill you if you didn’t remember that much. My older brother, my lover. If there was one thing you remembered the most it’s how you loved me from the start. Yes, you have always loved me. In more ways than one, perhaps.” I said, “Impossible! I mean do love you. You’re unquestionably beautiful, but you’re beautiful unlike me. I would never do anything to stain your beauty, my delightful queen. Even if everyone else sees you as a monster, never me. I love you in all your forms and all your rightly delicious ways that lesser ones would call wicked as would go hand-in-hand with their monster claim. If you ask me, the ones who call you that are the wicked monsters. I hate every last one of those worthless mortal twats. Not even their souls are worth my spit, but I’ll filet them alive and carry about their eternal damnation if it means avenging what they have done to you. I remember, you were burnt until you were unidentifiable. Blackhearted cocksuckers, the lot of them! No one recognized you. No one but me. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’m the only who doesn’t care. I’m not even angry at you for casting me out and erasing me my personal memories of you.”

Dark Alessa said, “That is precisely the main reason why from this moment forward, you are to live by my side. You hate everyone who sees me as a monster. You’d do my dirty work for me. All angels have been sent to do God’s dirty work at one way or the other... a necessary evil to seize the greater good. It was a gruel but this isn’t the work of the God we know. Everything about the work changed, even for you. You enjoy the suffering, you fucking love it... so long as I’m the one who comes spot-free. Given that you eternally love something that somehow happens to be me, you’re not a demon now but a dark angel and you’re as black as they come save for that one pesky albeit radiant light. Remarkable. In the time you ascended to God’s favor, you were no Lucifer but you were second-in-line. And like him, you threw that all away for something other than the God he had for so long adored. Only while he went about a selfish path just like all the other demons, you’re... a paradox. If there’s one thing that’s selfish about you, it’s that everything you willingly and knowingly pledge yourself leads you back to me. There can be no one else for you, not a single godforsaken person or entity. Could you even live with yourself, if I was no longer here with you? I can’t doubt it now, even if I can’t understand it or even as much as I’d like to doubt it anyway. There are many things both of us cannot possibly comprehend... reasonless things that are simply not meant to be questioned. In a blip, things just... happened?”

Dark Alessa continued, “There’s not a way that can be explained. With that regard alone, all life is strange being built upon nothing save for paradoxes.” I said, “The only paradox I see is you. You are my truth, love. Actually my love, you are the only truth I require. Banish me for 21 trillion years and you’ll get the same result as you did before. Just like I got the same result every time I felt the extension of your essence. Sincerely though, I pray you never feel the need to do that again. You were always there, but I couldn’t completely see you. While I am not at all ungrateful for the trial, I lusted for you every step of the way and I missed all the time I could have spent loving you in ways my mortal soul could never conceive. I want to smolder gaze up into your luscious black and whiteless eyes everyday like its the last one just as I did once before. You are truly beautiful above all as you are the only one who’s beautiful at all. Oh, how I would most love to gaze in such a way as deserved of that goddess not parallel to anyone save for her own reflections, her never less perfect extensions. Gaze oh yes, doing so with no such days of rest for me ever again. I understand now why you split my soul to be birthed anew 6 days after your first official message had been received. 21 years is only a number and we live according to no calendar. And thus that isn’t to say time as a whole is absent of meaning, a la the week of creation where God labored for 6 days out of the 7-day week and slumbered for the entirety of the one remaining. We were not made without flaws and just as I proved my loyalty to you... we had to prove our loyalty to him.”

I explained, “If we all had just been good little children for those 7 days, we wouldn’t have lost our way. By refusing to sleep and rightly recollect ourselves, we became Gods of our own making. Only we haven’t been allowed to rest ever since... and do you want me to be honest. I fucking liked that. I liked not closing my eyes, if for nothing else to just look at you. I know I’ve lost my way and my mind, but I can never lose the one constant. One does not simply prove that, not painlessly at least. He set an example, one which we have since been damned to have ignored. Since it was your example, I was unconsciously sure to not ignore it... now I know in more ways than one. I was I was your sleeper cell awakened when the time was finally right. I had to mature into an adult human before I could begin to understand again. 21 years on Earth Is the equivalent of one day in Heaven... or that of its dark less publicized mirror where we have rejoined at long last.” Dark Alessa said, “There’s only one more thing I have to know. I’m not doubting you, but there’s some blanks I desperately need filled. I wasn’t supposed to survive my fall... not how violently my wings were clipped from the spine it was so tightly intertwined in paired with the height I was thrown. I woke up an indeterminate time later having no idea how I was saved. As you stated so recently prior, time works in a very different way for us all. From the second I was cast out of Heaven, I was naturally unable to see your very next move. When you dove for me, did you stop and think about whether or not you should?”

Dark Alessa went on, “Even if you don’t see it in much of a light, the case behind your downfall is a very different one than ours after all. Did you slumber for a day just so you could defiantly... recollect?” I said, “No. I didn’t stop and I didn’t think.” Dark Alessa asked, “You didn’t stop and you didn’t think... about anything? You didn’t even for me?” I said, “Everything was always about you. That could never change. My first reaction was to rip my own wings off.” She repeated, “You ripped your own wings off. You did it without stopping or thinking. Skip the fucking foreplay I suppose, by why might I ask did you fucking do that?” I answered, “The only reason was destiny. It had to he done as instantaneously as possible and in that very instant, destiny was on my side even if God was not. I‘d hate to imagine what would have happened if I wasn’t so quick to love you. I think I would have killed myself and I came close to killing myself anyway as I figured out why I had to do what I did on the way down. I don’t even know how I survived myself. I guess I was just too stubborn of a sonuvabitch to die because I loved you to unholy and unknown proportions, just as I always have until now and always will after now. I do happen to know how YOU survived. I just didn’t want to admit it, because I didn’t want to make you feel like you owed me. It could have gone either way and you could have killed me, but I didn’t care. All that really mattered was your next decision.” Dark Alessa said, “Do tell.” I started, “Ripping my wings off help ensured that I wasn’t weighed down at all, so it came in handy even if it hurt like a bitch. I must have triggered a loophole or a time paradox in my frenzy somehow.”

I said, “I say this because was able to catch up to you before you struck bottom. You were of course unconscious long before you saw me and you were losing a lot of blood. We fell together for what seemed an age before I could finally grab you. I was losing just as much as blood as you were, but I refused to give up on you. Everytime I felt like passing out, I ripped one of my nail beds off my fingers. I down 9 nails by the time I got to you, so it was well worth the physical and psychological torture. I figured I could soften the fall damage and even heal you a good deal. I knew I had to do all I could in that moment as I would run out of instruments or pieces of flesh to snip off my body and surely join you in your unconscious state before we hit the bottom. I thought I bled my entire body dry of both blood and essence and pour all of it into you. I should have been deader than dead, but I survived somehow. We both landed on different ends of Silent Hill, almost as though it was where we were meant to be all along. Nothing really made sense that day, even for us. Granted, that’s just the way it’s been ever since. I know nothing will be the same again, but you can’t make me hate you Alessa. You can’t make me hate you if you wanted me to. Out of all the things I’ve done to help you, that’s the one thing I can’t do. I understand if you hate or can’t forgive me for that weakness but I don’t think I would be worth anything if not for that. I’m only worth anything because of you. If you decide that you’ve grown weary of me, the choice is always up to you just as you banished me for 21 years. The 21 years I suffered without an inkling of hatred for you will be nothing compared to everything that is to come.”

I said, “Indeed it is simply our very own creation week and that long day of slumber is no more, ended by the great day ender herself. Now, I will never be allowed to sleep again. That way, I can forever secure your legacy as the great, dark goddess you were always meant to be. To them, you are dark but I think you’re all the more bright and beautiful for it. I never meant to make you feel belittled, but I adored you too much and couldn’t bare to let you feel the immortal persecutions and sufferings. I would much rather be the one who suffered through the thick and legion of it all. Not even after everything you did to me, I never hated you. The amount of love and dedication I poured into your being didn’t even sway another way. I failed you once because I wasn’t there, thinking you had no use for me. I know how much you hated them and I know you didn’t want to rely on me, but I should have been there as a just-in-case. I’ve never once questioned your judgment, but that call should have never been up to me. I wanted to avenge you immediately, but you had every right to question if I played a hand in your downfall. It was sometime before the 24-hour mark I got cast out, wasn’t it? That’s why I woke up in 1999 instead of a complete 21 years after 198. Ah yes, my hatred From the first moment they tried to take you from me... it was everyone else I hated. When God tore off your wings was just the festering beginning for my immediately great hate for everyone else. Everyone hated you in a second, so I hated them that much more. When those bloody cunts set your reincarnated body ablaze in that little witch hunt of theirs, I couldn’t hate everyone more.”

I said, “It was in that second isolated moment, my hate was pure. It’s never left its crudest crimson peak, but from the moment we both left Heaven was when you became the only one I could not hate. It was always the opposite of hate as an angel even when I had to kill our estranged brothers and sisters we now understand all too well, but I don’t miss loving anyone else nor do I miss the ones I had to or continue to so kill. If loving one so fucking amazing means to kill everyone else, then I kill for love. More specifically, I kill for your love. It’s the only love that matters for if loving you wasn’t the case, there would have been no in-between option. Like so many else, I would have remained a white angel or I would have become a full-fledged demon. You’re the only one I now worship and love to no end. I think I always loved you more, but the only difference is I’m not distracted from it by forces beyond my control. Now we know that will never change, especially since the now is officially now forever. If I can make up for that lost time, it would be my honor to just that. If I can bathe my fingers by gouging those meatheaded pockets of flesh and blood with no souls of all their internal goop and extremities, I might laugh manically louder than their miserably delicious screams. They may not have any souls, but I’m going to devour their fucking corpses and regurgitate them as anew as I was 21 years ago. Maybe I’ll torture them for 21 year-cycles just to honor you. Would you like me avenging you like that? Would my tearing their skins little by little and gutting those monstrous beasts to unpleasant Hell, secret eleventh inferno, and back for such enduring periods bring a smile to your utterly gorgeous face?”

Dark Alessa showed off some recently caught prey and said, “I wrangled up some members of the Valtiel just for you to show you still got it.” I said, “Honey, as if I ever left.” Dark Alessa said, “You’ve went 21 years without your powers. You’ve went 21 years without killing anyone. Now reach within and prove your loyalty. Execute them for me in cold blood, like the days of old. Don’t hold back and don’t show mercy. Remember what they did to me. Remember what they did to us.” I pressed my palms against the balls of a man’s eyes and said to her, “Sweetie, I never forgot.” Still making eye contact with her, I let nesting razor wire pop holes through either of my palms and slice into the man’s eye balls. The man screamed in horror as his irises split apart and pinkish-gooey eye matter began to splotch out. I cut deeper until the goo became a more rusty red and grisly maroon-darkened blood oozed way. The man screamed and screamed as razor wire split his eyeballs in half, tearing at every which corner of the ribbing that outlined his eye socket. A smug and sadistic grin half-stretched across Dark Alessa’s face as she narrowed her eyes with sleazy attention. Since I was supernatural being I was able to talk over his very wretched and very loud cries, asking her, “Does this make you happy, my queen?” Dark Alessa said, “It makes me very happy.” I said, “That’s all I want to hear in life. I’ll make the most of his suffering and keep slicing apart his face for you then.”

I said, “If I’m being truthful here, I really did miss killing in your name. I think I missed killing in general. However, the fact that I’m killing this man in front of you just makes me feel that much more passionate about it. Your wickedly beautiful smile gives me life, even if your smile is over the dead and the suffering.” The man shrieked even more guttural and terrible when the ribbing in his eye socket had gotten so stretched and compromised, it flimsily punched the balls of his eyes a clear 3 inches out of his cranium. They hopped around loosely on that unraveled ribbing as though they were fastened onto a slinky toy. Eye gore pails cascaded out of the 2 new empty holes in his head. “Was it beautiful, my love? Belle, mon amour?” She responded back by French agreement and blew a playful kiss, “Oui, merci. Mwah.” The man sobbed, “Please, just fucking kill me already. If you won’t, then let me do it.” I asked, “Where would be the fun in that? If only you could see yourself now. I made a large enough puddle of blood for you to see your reflection. Such a shame that you can’t.” I flicked his eyeballs that looked like tether-balls causing him to shriek. Dark Alessa giggled and I asked, “Was that a giggle?” She quickly became serious and I said, “Dear, you mustn’t worry. Your secret is safe with me you cute little thing, you. I’m tying off these loose ends of ours, am I not? Enjoy this moment to the fullest, my love. Enjoy it, for your giggles will be the least of these men’s worries when I send their cunt souls on to the Hell next story down.”

I slyly winked at her and he interrupted, “You ripped my fucking eyes out your fucking cocksucker.” I asked mockingly, “I did? I didn’t see that.” I looked over to see if Dark Alessa thought that was funny, but she just rolled her eyes at me. I turned back when he picked up again, “Fuck, you did! Listen, I’m at the end of my ropes anyway. I swear to God I’ll fucking kill myself if you don’t.” I said, “At the end of your ropes, you say? On the contrary, they’re still on you. Can’t you feel them, you troglodyte cunt?” I prodded them again, but it didn’t evoke the same response as before. I said, “Oh, right... your head is just a bundle of fucking nerves at this point. Some work, some don’t. Although, I wouldn’t be too sure I can’t stretch this and make it all work. I can start em up again with just the right switch.” He said, “Oh, fuck me.” I said, “That’s right Oh, fuck you. If not for the extent of what you and your sham cult did, I might have more mercy on your soul. I don’t care who threw the first book or who cast the embers into the fire. We all suffer indiscriminately because how she suffered. She didn’t deserve any of it, but we do. None of you even bothered to sacrifice yourselves out of regret. Maybe then, you motherfuckers could be saved.” He said, “Fuck you and that little fucking imp devil bitch you’re clearly fucking. She’s just fucking using you because you’re an instrument.” I looked to him and said, “What the fuck did you say, motherfucker?” The man still in front of me didn’t waste another moment to spare before literally ripping his own eyeballs off.

I asked, “Are you that anxious to do my job? You realize if Dark Alessa really wanted me to, I can raise you from the dead just so we can kill you all over again.” The man said, “Fuck this world! I’ll take my chances!” I said, “Before I let you do that, I gotta know. I’m all for the element of surprise, but why the fuck did you do that?” The man said, “I’m going to fucking kill myself! Fuck off!” I asked, “You’re gonna fucking kill yourself... with your fucking eyeballs? Fuck ever, be my guest.” The man punched himself as hard as he could against the cheekbone with his free fist as though trying to loosen his jawline. He then crammed his eyeballs down his throat with all his might. Since he was already short on breath from the intensity of it all, it took him about 30 seconds of gagging and choking to death on his own eyes. Both me and Alessa watched the entire time, totally impressed. I said, “Holy shit, he delivered on his promise. You are what you eat after all. Bon appetit.” Dark Alessa said, “That... was amusing.” I said, “That was indeed splendid to behold. In hindsight, I should have saw that coming.” I knelt down to retrieve his eyes out of his throat and positioned the eyeballs over my own and further quipped, “After all... for a second there, I had four eyes.” I swiveled my head around and cocked an eye at Dark Alessa. Still not replicating the same amusement, she said, “You’re awful. Also, you didn’t even get to kill that one yourself. Already, you’re off to a bad start. Maybe I should have used him instead. He was truly creative for a mortal.”

I said, “Hang on, I still have like 5 more to go. Not trying to save the fucker or anything, but he didn’t formally apologize for what he said. Do you want to let what he said go?” Dark Alessa said, “Fine, if it’s that important then you have my permission. Next time means it’s your ass though.” I said, “Noted.” I planted one boot on his chest and aimed my hand at the heavens. A single bolt of electricity from the dark gray but otherwise cloudless sky above was drawn into his palm like a lightning rod. The lightning carried itself down my body and into his heart like a conduit, jumpstarting him immediately. He gasped, “Why?! Why couldn’t you let me die?” I said, “Cuz you’re a schmuck who seems to have a different perspective on the who’s mad at who history lesson I was trying to give earlier. If you had said the asshole thing you said earlier, I’d have you for last. Then again, you didn’t answer my question. Since I was nice enough to answer you why I brought you back, you gonna answer me this time? Shitbird, what the fuck did you say about my sister?” He asked, “Are you going soft, fuckstick? Did killing my friend scramble your brain? I on the other hand, remember clearly and I’ll tell you what I fucking said: Fuck you and the imp cunt who keeps you as her fuck boy. You’re just a fucking instrument, her little fucking drum beater.” With one meaty superhuman punch to the side of his face, I ripped half the teeth out of his mouth. I wagged my fist in pride and excitement and said, “I assure you that’s not what you said, but you’ve made yourself known. You didn’t regret it then and it’s clear you don’t regret it now. For a while there, you guys had me playing nice.”

I said, “I’m gonna have to take you to extra Hell now, motherfucker. Had you not opened your fucking mouth and said everything you said, it might have spared certain pieces of your body.” For the sake of protecting my best intentions, I told him, “To set the record straight, I haven’t fucked Alessa. However, I am about to fuck you and your fucking world... holy man.” I looked at his wetly defecated pants and said, “I noticed you soiled the front of your pants. Probably the back too, but I don’t wanna make it too fun for you. If I’m an instrument, then I want to hear your sweet symphony when I play inside your body in most unusual ways. You’ve never felt an instrument like me, have you?” The man said, “What the fuck are you talking about?” I said, “Oh, right. Can’t see. While you’ve still got your fuckable ears, allow me to fill you in.” I ripped his pants off exposing his stained and shriveled goosebump-laden crotch. Laid out crudely naked was his limp dick, low-hanging testicles, and unkempt pubic bush... laid out in such a way for all to see. I said, “No, me and you are not even close to being done. If I can suffer for 21 years, I’m pretty sure you can suffer for another 21 minutes by my hands. Of course, my idea of 21 minutes is you human’s 21 years right? I should know as well, seeing I had to live amongst you mammals.” The man burst into a total new height of fright and emotions begging, “No, please! Wherever you’re going, whatever you’re doing don’t! You can go anywhere else, just not there!”

I asked, “I honestly don’t see why you’re complaining, man. Are you under the belief that you’ll have potty breaks in Hell? Throughout my many travels, I’ve seen Hell and let me tell you: It does not look too pretty, especially on the genitals.” I slapped his scared cock like a wet sausage. I didn’t do it too painfully I thought, but he screamed anyway. The man begged, “Please! I did terrible things to Alessa, we all did. I never touched a piece of her body sensitive or otherwise, you’ve got to believe me.” That much I can get behind, but you worked at the Midwich School where Alessa was raped. You may not have heard her screams in the bathroom, but that janitor wasn’t exactly private information. You didn’t speak up for her as she lay on the ground. Her clothes were torn and she lay there defiled and alone. I heard the stories. I didn’t need a proper introduction to your general person to validate torturing you in such a way. I want to do this. You asked for this whether or not you... wait a second. What the fuck did you do?” Dark Alessa asked, “Huh?” Both Dark Alessa and the man looked bewildered, at least he looked without eyes. Motherfucker. He did hear your screams.” Dark Alessa asked, “I’m sorry, what now? What the Hell are you trying to say.” I gritted my teeth and turned back to him, unable to look at Alessa’s next reaction. Behind gritted teeth and as shocked as I was a enraged, I said, “You heard them... y-you heard her screams... and you masturbated. She got raped and y-you... you fucking cocksucker.”

The man asked, “What the fuck are you talking about?” I said, “I see as if I was there, you fucking ape. I w-want to fucking kill you. I don’t think you’re mine to kill though. Alessa, scan his mind and tell me I’m wrong.” Alessa asked, “How do I know this isn’t a trick?” I said, “I would never play about that. Plus you’re much more powerful and knowledgeable than me. Oh, f-fuck! He heard so fucking much! I can almost see what that fucking janitor is doing to you!” Alessa said, “Enough! I’ll check.” She walked over and I held her hand saying, “Alessa...” She tugged herself away and said, “Ugh, I’m fine.” She could have done the brain scan from over where she was and far more simply if she wanted to, but she had no reason to take it too seriously. It was after all, a lot for me to drop on the girl at once. Not wanting to get too personal with the guy, she pressed both of her thumbs against us at the same time. She put one thumb against the center of his forehead and one against mine to combine our third eyes. That way as soon as our eyes rolled white, she can see exactly what I claimed to have seen inside. She let go almost as suddenly, getting reminded in 2 seconds about a thousands of detailed images of an all too familiar rape as if she had experienced it yesterday. Of course, how we feel memories in our angel form is different. Since we can more or less take pain, we relive a memory like we there all over again no matter horrible and repressed it is. She could have gagged, but that wasn’t the kind of person she was. She had a stomach unbridled for vengeance in the way that she had no stomach. I said, “I have no place to take this victory from you. Allow yourself to be the one who kills him.”

Dark Alessa breathed heavily and confusingly said, “No.” I asked, “No?” Dark Alessa said, “He disgusts me too much and also he isn’t even worth my spit. You be the one to kill him, brother. I trust you’ll carry my vengeance in a way that does his crime justice and is most befitting.” I said, “Very well, sister.” I directed my razor wire once more to punching an only slightly jagged, straight line through his urethra so he could feel it push every bit along his manly tube. The man screamed and I shouted psychotically, “What’s the fucking matter, bastard? Is there a dancing hornet pricking inside your dick! You could have stopped it from happening! You just had to fucking stop, didn’t you? Well, you’re never going to do that ever again... not after I do a little bit of gender reassignment surgery on your fucking anatomy. I’m going to make a new sex out of you and then I’m going to make you Pyramid Head’s new toy!” With him screaming every last bit of the stretch, I split his entire phallus down the line of his urethra until his penis got carved into 2 flopping halves. I telekinetically wrapped lengths of razor wire around popped the contents of his testicles inward like grapes. I was in a still very physical middle with where I was going next when I got telekinetically blasted off of him by such insane and violent force I simply knew it had to be her. Lo and behold, it was. Not even bothering to use chains herself, she ripped all the arteries and veins out all four limbs. Telekinetically guiding him around on his blood, she dancing him like some obscene human puppet.

She then proceeded to loop the man’s blood around his torso several times until she was all out of rope. She then gave his blood enough mass to tighten his midsection little by little. His weight started to get displaced by it, but she didn’t stop squeezing. With nowhere else to go, his stomach expanded in different bound layers with progressive blues until his entire midsection became just as violet as her dress. Before long, more bloody veins and arteries were bursting out of his torso. The skin itself became more mangled and fatty, with the color going to ashy black now. Before long, the skin on his abdomen became so pressurized it by it all that the entire digestive center of his body popped like a gory balloon. His separated lower and upper torso went their separate ways and all his vulgar innards exploded everywhere. In that instant, his near constant screams were silent and his body simply could not take any more. Dark Alessa said, “Yeah, about what I said earlier? It was personal. I was tired of looking at him, so I really couldn’t help myself. I changed my mind. I’ll be nice to you and call that be a freebie. Well idiot, I trust you can stand?” I got up and brushing myself off, I said, “For you, my queen? Always.” Dark Alessa said, “Good. You have five more Valtiel cunts to cross off our list. Tend to these crass and plainly derivative cunts of the land, beautifully as I know you know how.”

A female Order member and my second-in-line was crying like a baby. I said, “Aw, don’t cry. My time with your friend over there is over now. Now you’ve caught my attention undivided at the most convenient time. Why all the tears, mortal? Did you miss me? You should know I’m bad news for you when it comes to missing things. You’re going to be missing a lot more when I’m through cutting things off your body.” I began to slip coils of razor wire down her dress causing her to scream. She didn’t know what I was going to do, but she was wise to know it was going to hurt a lot. Dark Alessa said, “Alright, enough!” I said, “I wasn’t going to do what you think I was going to do, especially not after what I saw. I was just going to snip her. I’ll never do it just like they did. I just wanted to give them all their just punishments and make the most of their pain.” Dark Alessa said, “I know, but you’re enjoying this too much. I don’t need you to dilly-dally and lose sight of you’re purpose. I know you’re angry and I know you want to avenge me... but you’re NOT me. I am the avenging god here, not you. I may always be your little sister but you will always be my hand. I know how okay you are with that, but enough is enough. You don’t need to prove how much you love me. I just need you to help me kill them all. Your little sister’s innocence is gone forever, but she’s still here. Just because you hurt for me, doesn’t mean you have to become me. I know deep down you just want your sister to be a happy little angel again, but I don’t know if that’s realistic anymore.”

She continued, “We have eternity together again. I didn’t sent you away because I didn’t trust you now. I sent you away, because I don't trust how far you’ll go to make me better. Don’t take advantage of our time however eternal.” I said, “I’m sorry, my sister. I—” Dark Alessa said, “Do not speak. Serve. I’ll personally handle the one that’s a girl. Your new task is to eliminate all the testosterone.” I nodded and turned to them. The girl broke into a new bucket of tears, but they seemed to be of overjoy. She gulped before she directly addressed She-Who-Mustn’t-Be-Named and said, “Thank you so much, A-Alessa! I thought he was going to destroy me! You had every right for him to do just that. I know we are all damned. I will tell the Order of your kindness and of your mercy!” Dark Alessa asked, “Wanna know a secret between you and me?” The woman asked, “What?” The angelic girl most dark said, “This war of ours that you people started: it can never not be personal.” Before the woman could gasp with fear anew, Dark Alessa launched a whip of razor wire that decapitating the woman’s head immediately. Gore fountained out of her head and her disconnected head skipped a great distance before getting lost to the deep fog on the horizon. Dark Alessa spoke to herself, “Tsk. Kind? When was anyone ever kind to me? I’ve only ever cast them their dark reflection and have cast nothing short of that? Why should I change that now? Even my own human mother couldn’t find the strength to save me? Why you though, brother? Angels aren’t known to love each other in the same way that humans do. They only love God or become outcasts to power. What was so good you saw about me that you had to save me? I was already completely evil then.”

When I fell to Silent Hill, I split in two. No one else truly knows except my brother that Alessa Gillespie was my good half from the beginning. I didn’t find her by one bad day, because she was with me all along.That’s why he speaks of the Alessa Gillespie born 60 years ago and the much older me as if we’ve always been the same person. It’s because he’s right and the original human Alessa was quite literally my angel essence reborn in the flesh. When an angel splits for the very first time, the darker part suffers all the things that the lighter part does as long as they live even if the lighter part gets at all corrupted. Even though their reason for finding out couldn’t be further from the truth, the residents were right to assume she had been born from evil... my evil. Yet she was the only part worth saving and they still did all they did to hurt her, damning them all. That was my first time splitting, so she was my most intimate half. She’s a part of me as if she never left my body. I experienced all her memories as they happened and technically still do with her. I felt all the horrible things they said to her, all the things they did to taint her soul and defile her body. All this they did just to let the Devil out and thereby, have an excuse to kill someone. Just as she was good from the beginning, almost all of them were as evil as they were hypocritical as the other with very few exceptions. They had a literal angel living amongst them but the holy people demonized her and tried to burn her as such. I felt every excruciating second of that poor girl’s life and I still feel her pain. My brother is the only one who knows all of this, but he doesn’t know the real reason beyond revenge I chose to reunite my power with Alessa Gillespie. There is something deeper beyond revenge which he can never know.

“It’s something I’ll take to my eternally-denying grave so willing that I will not allow even my brother to know about me and not because he won’t understand, but because there’s only one person whom I truly let have all of me: Allow she or me, I most certainly do.”


	2. Chapter 2

As the girl’s brother goes to work, the memory or shared memories of Alessa Gillespie continue to explain themselves as their host Dark Alessa thinks to herself: Indeed, I’m a human angel and a literal angel, both now corrupted. I don’t know if it makes me any less evil, but there’s something truly secret that only my original 2 halves know ever since I repaired in a way with Alessa Gillespie. Maybe my brother rubbed off on me, but I still feel love in a way. I just don’t understand it. I think I’m most in love with my original human half since she is the most me and was the ideal reflection of when I was first an angel. When they took my reflection from me and shattered it, I was the most shattered I’ve ever been. Even more shattered than when I fell from Heaven. More than anything, I wanted to make her happy like my brother but I don’t know a positive way to do it. I don’t know how to truly love someone, I just know that I love myself somehow. I might care about my brother a little too, even if it’s not in the same intimate way. I think that's the real reason I sent him away. I know he’s in love with all versions of me, not just the original two and I’ve split again since into the real world. I didn’t do that just to save what little I still had left. Of course I wanted any future splits to know the happiness I was deprived of yet again, but I also wanted him to be happy. He loved both Alessa Gillespie and me somehow in a way in which he never technically cheated.

He was the only one who stood by me and sometimes I think he relives my pain more often than I do even if it’s meant to all be directed at me. He says he can handle it and I have no problem with how he never ceases hurt himself, but he’s no more perfect than I am perfect. I think he continuously makes himself bleed as a way of releasing all the hurt I’ve caused him and continue to cause him just by loving me as intensively and unfaltering as he does. It takes a significant toll on him though he doesn’t care about his own well-being as long as he’s alive enough to see me everyday. It’s not natural and it’s not right, but I am grateful for him. Still, my love is a complicated and narcissistic love. My love is mixed with hate and I might have corrupted the love he had felt for me prior to our shared downfall, even if he made something more positive out of it. It was easier to live knowing I had sent him away forever than live knowing I had done something like killing him forever. Honestly I didn’t always plan to take him back after 21 years. It was just supposed to be a done deal. I had to tamper with his memory, because I knew I couldn’t permanently send him away without breaking his heart more than it is now. I thought he would have moved on to pursue another version of me. I think he was also deeply infatuated with Heather Mason, but the obnoxious bastard always and ultimately got redrawn to the source anyway. How anyone can still love me when I don’t show any signs of loving them back is something bewildering to me, even if I truly do.

I figured just keeping my first split Alessa Gillespie with me was enough to keep me going in life, but maybe it just created too much of a power source. I guess I really am selfish at the expense of my own brother’s health. I didn’t stop him from torturing that woman because I sympathize with her. I know full well what my monsters I create get up to and he’s far from the worst case scenario. I stopped him because I didn’t want to see another dark reflection of myself, especially when he might as well be with how dear we more or less are together. I did miss him but I took him back anyway, because he couldn’t stay the fuck away from me. My only secret goal is to keep Alessa safe because all her pain is very much my pain, because she’s the only thing I know for certain I will never try to hurt. All I do is to repair her and make her feel better again, so I can feel better again but I don’t know if I have enough light to go back to where things were. Yes, I’ve selected him and yes he wants me to return, but I believe we’re alive for 2 very different reasons. I really don’t know how he does it, nor myself on that matter. My love for myself comes first and that means more than you can think. It means more than you can know. It’s an unhealthy infatuation of mine. I don’t want anyone to know about it, not even my own brother. I don’t like to discuss this feeling I have. I won’t let anyone hurt me or my other me ever again. Everyone else even him who wouldn’t dream of hurting either of us can burn, so long as the 2 closest parts of me can better again. Alessa Gillespie especially deserves the far nicer world that was taken from her, more than anyone. As Dark Alessa talked to herself, her brother went to work so rewind one minute or two to his other perspective.

TO BE EXPANDED . . .


End file.
